A Guide to Trusting the Unworthy

There are some conversations you wish you never had.

There are some things in life that you wish you had been ignorant of. There are some feelings you wish you had never experienced. There are some people in life who you wished hadn’t turned out the way they did.

But inspite of all your intelligence and knowledge and all the advice that everybody gave you, that is exactly what you run after.

You think of yourself as an ideal friend. You think that you would make your best efforts to be loyal and defend. You automatically assume that others follow these unwritten norms of friendship too.

You meet him in your Junior year, and you become friends. He’s nice and funny and it seems to you that he would always be there to help you out in a tough situation. You have tons of mutual friends, and you somehow always end up on the same team. 

You play games together. You crack stupid jokes. He jokes a lot. You joke a lot. It’s extremely comfortable and fun. You have the best time during school breaks, and do the most ridiculous things. You start thinking of him as a close friend. He confides things in you (Or you think he does.) You start telling him your secrets. You spent hours talking to him and your other friends about your problems and the possible solutions.

You become even closer friends. You trust him implicitly and you naturally assume that he feels the same way about your friendship. You wouldn’t hear anything against him and would always defend him. Because you fall the unwritten norms of friendship. To stand by and defend your friend without a second thought. Your other friends gradually stop telling you that they don’t think that you are in good company, because they believe you have utmost faith in him. And the sad part is, that they are absolutely right.

It isn’t until school ends that you realize. That you hear about what he actually did and said about you. Of what a demeaning view he held of the friendship you two shared. Of how he had laughed at you, passed snide remarks on you behind your back to his guy friends. How you had become the butt of every joke. All this while while you had blindly thought that he was all but your closest friends.

You are shocked. You spend days talking to yourself, trying to convince yourself that this really HAD happened. That he REALLY HAD done something like that to you. You spend days convincing yourself of the cruel reality. And yet, somewhere and somehow you have that little spark in your heart telling you that he wasn’t completely wrong. A little hope that somehow things would put themselves right again and that he would have a nice, solid explanation to all of this. An explanation that you would rush to believe, and forgive.

You confront him. He denies it. But you know the truth and you tell him that you would forgive him. You want to tell him that you didn’t have it in your heart to hold a grudge against him because you had spent two years treasuring his friendship, and you couldn’t bring yourself to forget all the fun, the jokes, the ridiculousness of your friendship had been nothing but a farce. You want him to explain, to convince you – and you know that all it would take from his side to convince you was a simple apology. That was all that you need from him. And you would forgive him.

You tell him this. He still doesn’t accept it.

And then comes the moment of truth. That two second moment which shattered all the hope you have of recovering that friendship. Three lines that took the floor from beneath your feet. Three lines that make you feel like a common whore. Three lines that kill every being of self respect you have for yourself, and for him. Three lines that don’t anger you, but that break you. Slowly, and gradually.

You think about it for a while after that. You wonder what you would do, how you would react when you see him again. You imagine various scenarios in your head. You fantasize about shouting at him, slapping him. But when you do see him, you realize that you can’t slap him. You can’t even shout at him. In fact, you can’t bring yourself to say a word to him. So you pretend that he doesn’t exist. He complies.

But as soon as he gets the chance, he approaches you, denying any involvement, claiming to be innocent. You are blank. You do not know what to say. So you say what you have never said to a living soul before. You say what you had pledged to never say to anyone  for the sake of the little morality you wished to maintain in this vast sea of debauchery. But then again, now you understand why they say it. You pick up your bag, throw it over your shoulder, and say “Fuck You!” before you turn to leave.

There are some conversations you wish you never had. This isn’t one of them.

Romney VS Obama

Well – let’s face it. The elections are almost there, and the average American voter (who doesn’t support any particular party) is facing the dilemma of making a difficult choice: Mitt Romney or Barack Obama?

Let me start by clarifying that I haven’t ever taken an avid interest in American politics uptil this time, so pardon the errors!

Barack Obama, President of the United States, running for his second term. He’s spent four years in the Oval Office, and in all fairness, he has done quite a bit. Sworn in in 2009, at one of the worst moments in history, when the United States was in a miserable condition, Obama promised the American people a revival of their glory and inspired them by becoming the first African-American President. True to his word, he pulled out the U.S. troops from Iraq and brought down the unemployment rate to some extent. He authorized the raid that was responsible for ending the life of the dreaded terrorist, Osama Bin Laden. It was during his tenure that two women, Sonia Sotomayer and Elena Kagan, were appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court. He’s an eloquent orator and can charm his way through his speech into the heart of people. But enough has already been said about his oratory skills four years back, when he first ran for President. His recent debate with Mitt Romney was rather disappointing though, he seemed ill at ease and lacked energy and enthusiasm.

Mitt Romney, on the other hand, the former Governor of Massachusetts, is like a breath of fresh air. As seen recently, he is a strong debater and no one can deny that he’s got style. The fact that he’s Mormon just somehow adds to his persona, rather than make him lose out on the edge. Although, as a country, America has risen above religion, color and gender (hopefully, in the future!) so his faith remains a non-issue in this election. An excellent fund raiser,  and an impressive campaigner, Romney’s wit, confidence and assertiveness is praiseworthy. However, there were a lot of issues with the substance (But that’s something entirely different!)  He creates the impression of a strong, decisive leader and strikes a chord with the people.

But this election is not about oration or motivation or style, its about major issues faced by America.

And that is what it will come down to ultimately.

Roe v. Wade is something that is genuinely something to be concerned about when it comes to Romney.  I personally support it and believe that a woman should be entitled to this decision, for a very simple reason. An unwanted child is most likely be deprived of the necessary love and care, and would in turn resort to crime (Read: Steven Levitt’s paper). Mitt Romney, however, holds a confused stance on this issue. Back in 1994, he claimed that he supported it and that, since it had been a law for the past 20 years, they should learn to accept it as a part of their lives. Now, as a Republican candidate for Presidency, he opposes it, claiming that “opinions change over time”. Sorry, but that doesn’t sound the least bit valid to me. On the other hand, Obama supports Roe v. Wade – just as he supports same-sex marriages.

Coming to terrorism, Obama was responsible for the raid on Osama Bin Laden which ended his life. He has largely followed Bush’s anti-terrorist policies since then, including detention of terrorism suspects. Romney’s policy on terrorism states that the foreign terrorist suspects would not be provided with any constitutional rights and considers waterboarding as valid, and not a “form of torture”.

Obama has not pushed for stricter gun control rules since he became President, whilst Romney believes in enforcing stricter gun control laws ever since the Colorado incident.

There are several more issues, which I shall try and address in my future posts.

Till then, ciao! Keep voting, people🙂

Feeling of the day

Weather is a great metaphor for life – 
sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, 
and there’s nothing much you can do about it 
but carry an umbrella. 
😀

Polar Opposites

She is many things to everyone.

She’s not beautiful. Never was, never will be. But she is the epitome of wisdom and success. She is brilliant, yet not extraordinarily so. She is cute, but never pretty. She is nice, but never without a reason.

She frowns in the mirror whenever she sees her reflection, yet cares not to put on makeup or to look any better than she already does. She is conservative, at times. She’ll have a lot of excuses in her backpack, if you dare ever call her that, but deep inside – you know she’s a tad bit too traditional for this world of today.

She’s smart, for sure. She has a way to get back to you, and yet you not mind it. She gets in trouble for the silliest of reasons. In fact, if you’d dare to – you’ll call her a trouble magnet. She has a knack of attracting trouble where she goes. But, then again, minor drawback.

She adheres to all rules, until it comes to her friends. She can go to any limits to   help them out – even if it involves going amongst tall scary guys and actually shouting at one of them. She believes in people easily, inspite of being betrayed quite a lot of times. She trusts in people, because she genuinely believes that they change. Maybe not today, but someday, and when they do, they need someone to support them, and she’ll be there for them. By god, she will.

She is nice, and it genuinely makes her cry when people mistake it for being fake. Yes, she still cries at night when she hears a idiotic rumor going around about her – though she’ll probably pretend it doesn’t matter to her when she’s in front of you.

A lot of people want to be her. She wishes sometimes, how she wishes she was someone else, but stays silent and does what she believes is the solution to all problems, smiles.

She hates being awkward around people. She would do anything to kill that weird feeling she gets when she’s around people who she talked to at one point of time, but drifted apart over time. She’s unpredictable sometimes – and she even get mood swings. She’ll like to shout at you, but she won’t, because that’ll not be her – just her frustration acting out.

She loves to laugh, and she’s pledged it to herself that no matter what happens –   how bad life becomes, she will smile and laugh, because she understands that it isn’t her fault all the time. She is tired of people talking to her just for the sake of  using her by either getting information about her, or for a bet, perhaps.

She has hidden aspirations. She wants to be a theatre artist, jump from a plane, drink till she passes out, go crazy….and she knows that a day will come when she fulfills all of these. She’s just waiting for the right company to show up.

Honestly, she doesn’t believe in love.  She believes that love is voluntary, but she dare not say that to anyone. She has friends who would kill her for saying something like that, or probably lecture her. She believes that you can only fall in love with someone who you appreciate – someone who you think better than you.

But what she does know is friendship is involuntary. She has the most extraordinary friends, that she could not have imagined in her wildest dreams. In fact, she’s friends with people who’re the worst of enemies. Yet, she’s loyal.

It hurts her when people judge her, especially people who she doesn’t know too well personally. It astounds her that they could think of her as something she never was, never will be.  She consoles herself only by telling herself that it doesn’t matter what someone who she doesn’t know say about her. But, deep down, she knows that it does. She doesn’t like being talked negatively about, especially when she’s not done a thing. But like said before, trouble flocks to her like honeybees flock to flowers.

She never can put up with shit, but she finds that tolerating it sometimes, is worth it in the long run. It helps her stay happier, and she loves to be happy, more than anything else in the world.

He knows all this about her. He knows her better than he knows himself. He observes her, every step in taking. He knows. He knows that he’s never seen a girl like her. Someone who could be so many things, all at once.

But he won’t ever say it to her. Because, she is convinced they’re polar opposites. He’s the arrogant toerag, she’s the angel. She sees nothing but imperfections in him, and he sees nothing but perfections.

He wonders sometimes, how she would react if he were to tell her how he felt about her. And he knows that she would respond in the worst way possible. She would break his heart in the nicest way possible, and that was worse. Because he would never be able to hate her. He would fall even more so in love with her. But she doesn’t believe in love. It doesn’t matter that he does. It doesn’t matter, because she’ll find a way – a loophole and convince him that he doesn’t “love” her, but it is merely an infatuation, and would go away.

He wishes it was. God knows, he does. But it isn’t. He knows that, and no matter what he tries to do, he cannot help but admit it at the end of the day.

To her, he’s arrogant, bullying, insufferable pig.

To him, she’s beautiful, charming, witty.

They never could gel well together. He told this to himself a lot of times, in vain. Because every time he would commit the mistake of thinking that he was over her, he would fall for her even worse the very next day.

It was like a trap really. He knew that he’d get stuck, but he’d always go that way anyway. It was a reflex, an impulse. He couldn’t help it. It was involuntary, it was a reality of his life.

How he wished that somehow his life could turn into a movie, and he should get the girl…how he wished! But fantasies apart, he knew that it was merely a delusion. He could not fool himself.

But, there was no way out of this situation he’d gotten himself in.

No way in. No way out.

She smiled to him the next day they crossed paths. He sighed.

He was definitely stuck in this game for life.

________________________________________

Just a lil something I thought of. Hope you all enjoy it!🙂

Of betrayals, heartbreaks and friendship

Dear The-Boy-Who-Had-It-All,

She had always been there for me, and that’s why our bond was utterly perfect. We were best friends.

And then, she met you. Suddenly, it was almost like she had a new best friend. A new person to make stories with. I will not lie. I was jealous. All of a sudden, whenever I called her – we were talking about how funny you were, or how much you made her laugh, and how your comments were so witty. You’d mistaken that friendship for love, I remember. And when she did hear from your friends that you liked her, she distanced herself from you. Why, you thought. I don’t know if you had an answer then, but I give you an answer now – the sanctity of your friendship was much more important to her.

She didn’t want to lead you on, because she really, honestly, truly considered you a friend worthy of herself. That, may I tell you now, is a remarkable feat for anyone to achieve.

My fault? I encouraged her to distance herself from you – she wasn’t ready. I was selfish, but I was right. She wasn’t ready.

And what did you do? You stopped talking to her. She started ignoring you, and then one day, out of the blue, you told her you liked her, alot. She reacted, just as anyone in her position would react. She refused, and you – in turn blamed her.

I tell you now, she was guilty the whole year that she led you on – even though she hadn’t! Even though it wasn’t her mistake, at all. But all that was left of that once-wonderful friendship were nasty glares, and avoiding eyes.

And then, she realized. She realized that she actually missed your laugh, your smile, your comments. She missed you. She liked you. She told me it was too late now though. You had overcome your affection for her already.

She didn’t know what to do. I told her that I had been wrong all along, I knew now that you were a good person. An honest person. And yes, she actually liked you genuinely again. This time round, I wasn’t jealous, coz I thought of you as a person worthy of her. But you weren’t.

All you were were a selfish, selfish, manipulative liar. You broke her heart when you lied to me. I remember telling her what a double game you were playing, and the silence on the other side of the line. I trusted you, and you broke my trust. Above that, you broke her hopes – her hope that you had not changed. But you had.

You had changed drastically. You weren’t the guy she liked. You weren’t the guy I trusted. You were just another of those guys that girls should stay away from bigtime.

Maybe I played selfish again, because it was only after hanging up the phone that I realized that I’d said so much ill about you in my frustation and had paid no consideration to her feelings. It had hurt her, bad. More than your lying hurt me, because to me you were just a friend who had betrayed me – but to her, to her it was the confirmation of the fact that you were not what you used to be.

You’re not sensitive, nice and funny anymore. Instead, you’re a douchebag – a self absorbed guy who likes to play with the feelings of others.

And now, all I want to do is come and shout at you on your face. But I won’t do that, because then everyone would know who you are. But honestly, all I want you to feel is not regretful, but guilty of how things you do, how your actions have a far deeper impact on people than you realize. I do realize now that you were using me all along, so that you could extract information out of me when the time comes…but truth be told, I was upset, not because you attempted to use our friendship to your advantage, but because of the consequences that I knew would follow.

You think you’re so cool, right? You think you smoke, drink and hang out with your ‘friends’ all day and that makes you so awesome and up-to-the-trend? Let me tell you something, all those ‘friends’ you hang out with – are just there for a few days. So, go on, enjoy your life – don’t study and betray your other friends for their sake. Let’s see where that gets you.

And if ever you feel guilty about having done what you have, don’t apologize – because now, she won’t ever know for sure if that was a genuine apology or just something you’re saying to use us again.

Thank you for showing to me and her that the world is full of manipulative liars, such as yourself.

Yours sincerely,

Her Best Friend.

 

_______________________________________
This one goes out to you – Garima!
Let me tell you baby, no matter what happens – I’ll be by your side forever and EVER🙂

Why I want a best friend like Ted Mosby!

Robin: It’s not your job to cheer me up.
Ted: Yes, it is. Cheering you up is my job.
Robin: Well, then, you’re fired.
Ted: You can’t fire me. I’m union, bitch..

***

Ted: If you don’t wanna tell me what’s wrong, fine, I don’t need to know. But you can never stop me from trying to cheer you up. It’s a fact of life… you just gonna have to deal with it.

_______________________________________________

Dear Akhilesh, hypocrisy isn’t flattering!

“Before you can begin to think about politics at all, you have to abandon the notion that there is a war between good men and bad men.”

Yes, Akhilesh Yadav did play a huge role in the  massive win of SP in the UP Elections 2012, and one of the things that contributed significantly towards this massive win was his supposed-revamping of the party’s image by removing all persons from the party who had criminal records.

DP Yadav was the biggest example. He was denied a ticket to Samajwadi Party for his criminal profile – or so was claimed by our new Chief Minister, Akhilesh Yadav.

And then, all of us thought – that yeah! This guy is here to finally make a difference – he IS going to live up to his promises and our expectations to FINALLY establish the much needed peace and prosperity in Uttar Pradesh.

And this notion existed for quite some time, unless he himself brought it upon us to doubt him.

Dear Akhilesh, you cannot expect us to believe you if you appoint Raja Bhaiya – probably one of the most feared names in this state – as a Cabinet Minister! You promised us a crime-free state, and we were counting on you for it, but can you blame people for doubting you if you do the very thing you claimed you would eradicate?

Hypocrisy, hypocrisy.

Raja Bhaiya, aka, Raghuraj Pratap Singh won from Kunda  for the fifth time.

The list of crimes that the feared Raja Bhaiya has against him is long enough to make anyone squirm. He had eight declared criminal cases, including attempt to murder, dacoity and abduction, against him. The prominent one in his recent affidavit are the cases against him under the Uttar Pradesh Gangster Act. Raja Bhaiya also holds charge of food and civil supplies, despite charges of a multi-crore scam under his watch.

On being questioned on this decision of appointing Raja Bhaiya as the Cabinet Minister for Prisons, our CM was quick to defend his this move in a typical cliched political style. “You know that who slapped maximum cases against Raja Bhaiyya and if you ask with dates you will come to know in which dates these cases were slapped,” Akhilesh told reporters today after his swearing-in in Lucknow.

But as an article from an Outlook magazine aptly defines Raja Bhaiya:

“HE is the archetypal Chhote Thakur, straight out of a Mumbaiya Hindi potboiler. He holds court in his courtyard and delivers instant justice—slaps   jurmaana (fine) on ‘erring subjects’ or orders a ‘sound’ thrashing. His subjects, poor men, women and children, touch his feet with their foreheads, pleading for mercy. Outside his fortressed Bainti Estate, people queue up every morning to offer salutations, their bodies bent at 90 degrees, hands raised in a namaste above their heads.”

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Akhilesh!

To make such a person UP Minister of Prisons, why not have Rakhi Sawant as the Minister for Culture then?😀

________________________________________________________________________

Sources:
http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?204592
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/lucknow/Akhilesh-Yadav-makes-Raja-Bhaiya-in-charge-of-UP-prisons/articleshow/12321244.cms

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